Sex among friends - can it be a little more?

Is sex with friends okay or a complete no go? What can happen when best friends have sex with each other? Are there rules for sex with a buddy or is he/she a sex partner just like anyone else? Here you can find the most important updates and tips about friendship with benefits.

What is friendship with benefits?

By definition, friendship with benefits is quite clearly formulated: It is sex between two people who are friends, but not in a romantic relationship with each other. Sex with a friend (also known as "friends with benefits") has "happened" to many people. This is because people usually have a lot in common with good friends and often find each other sexually attractive. This is underscored by a study from the University of Wisconsin, which found that at least men would almost always like to have sex with a good friend in addition to friendship. We are "only" good friends is therefore rather implausible in friendships between different sexes, says psychologist and head of the study Dr. Bleske-Rechek.

Friendship with benefits

To avoid a rude awakening after sex with a friend, you and your sex partner should definitely follow some basic rules of the game.

  1. be open and honest with each other - I already know you quite well anyway. Only the topic of sex - at least sex with each other - you have so far largely circumnavigated. Everyone is aware that, depending on the emotional state of both parties, things can go wrong. Therefore, in case of mutual erotic attraction, you should discuss in advance how far exactly you want to go. Will it remain a one-time attempt or can it happen more often if you both like it?
  2. remain non-committal, i.e. enjoy intimacy and otherwise do not enter into any relationship-typical obligations: Does this work for both of you? If one of you is secretly in love with the mate, it will be difficult with the sex-purpose relationship. You should also be absolutely sure beforehand that you are really interested in physical closeness with her or him. You should not sleep together if you just want to try it out, you are bored or you feel lonely. In that case you might hurt your best friend's feelings.
  3. no matter how well you know each other and how much you trust each other, contraception is always obligatory!
  4. avoid typical couple activities such as cuddling, spending the night holding hands at each other's place, watching TV or leaving cosmetics in your friend's apartment. It is also better not to talk about relationships or flirtations. You make it unnecessarily difficult for yourselves and possibly one of you will still be jealous. You only have a friendship plus sex, always keep that in mind.

What are the advantages of a friendship with benefits?

Well, there are quite a few advantages. Well, according to friends with benefits, they make sex life wonderfully easy. You know each others way of talking and don't have to weigh every word in the balance in bed. Whether the place is tidy or not doesn't bother you either - you don't know any different. Your best friend knows about your beer belly or your orange peel skin, so you don't need to dress up. And since you have been sitting close to each other several times, you can smell each other well anyway. You are familiar with each other and you can be sure that your friend would never do anything that you don't want or that would hurt you. 

You can have regular sex and a real friendship at the same time-especially beneficial if neither of you is interested in a serious romantic relationship at the moment. Moreover, since you probably don't see each other every day, the sexual attraction could even last for a long period of time. And the search for alternative partners with whom you want to have sex but not a relationship, will not be necessary anymore. Have you both just wanted to experience your mutual sexual attraction and afterwards you realized that you don't want to get further involved with each other in bed? Well, in that case you can just continue your friendship in the old familiar way without regretting anything.

And what are the disadvantages of such a special friendship?

As we all know, where there is light, there is also shadow. And we certainly don't want to hide that when it comes to friends with benefits. You've probably already guessed: If one of you falls in love with the other and it's not mutual, it's going to become difficult. In that case there are only two alternatives: You end your friendship or the one who is in love learns to deal with his feelings. The latter, however, is rarely crowned with success and is not necessarily healthy for you and for the friendship in the future. In addition, a friendship with benefits is not a substitute for a relationship and can change or even destroy the nature of your friendship in the long run. Maybe sex with your friend will also be very different from what you expected and you might wish you never had this experience. Because now you know her or him from a different side, which - in retrospect - would have preferred not knowing about.

How to find a friendship with benefits?

You wonder how you can find such kind of friendship? By the definition of friendship with benefits, of course, you can only have this with an existing  friend. Are you aware of all the dangers and consequences of your plan? Then you probably already have someone in mind with whom you would like to share the benefits of your friendship. Is he or she sending you signals or does this seem to be a total no-go? If your buddy also seems to get hot more often when you meet, approach the topic in a casual and noncommittal way. "As I was sitting in the sun yesterday, letting my mind wonder, I imagined what it would be like to end up in bed with you. Has that ever crossed your mind?" Depending on her or his reaction, you'll find out whether this could be a good idea or if it's better to put the idea immediately aside.

A few interesting numbers

Remember the study we mentioned above? This study reveals According to the Michigan State University that one-time sex between friends, which just happens, does not strain the friendship in 74% of cases. Everything remains as before, however, the common mattress sport is not repeated either again. With approximately 10% of the respondents, friends with benefits became lovers as a result of the occasional sex and they entered into a permanent relationship with each other. However, 26% of the friendships also went to pieces after the hanky-panky and both participants wanted nothing more to do with each other.

In conclusion, there is nothing wrong with friendship with benefits, as long as you and your best friend follow the rules and are aware of the possible consequences. It's best to discuss beforehand exactly how you envision it and be aware that you could come out of the "experiment" both as a couple but also as ex-friends. If this is the case, nothing should stand in the way of your sex. Enjoy!

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